The Incredibly Superficial Fan Fiction Story
by enoi
Summary: Want to waste time? Then read this story - a tragic tale of how a fanfic could turn out so horribly written. (HermioneDraco)
1. Default Chapter

A/N:**Welcome to the worst fan fiction story ever written. This story is full of weak plot lines, cheesy comebacks, utterly lame syntax, fluffy scenes that are sickeningly cliché, people falling for their worst enemy and best friend in the blink of an eye, characterization so one dimensional that you'll wonder why the heck this was written in the first place, and chapters that were written in under five minutes! Want to keep reading? I didn't think so. But hey! If you're bored off your ass, and could use a good chuckle, why not throw away some time and read The Incredibly Superficial Fan Fiction Story!**

Stepping onto the barrier, Hermione could tell her sixth year would be a good one. First of all, she had noticed how different she looked from last year, and in this case it was a good thing. Her hair was now straightened, and was a rich brown color now. She had perfect skin, a new, (and trendier) wardrobe, and she had filled out in all the right places. Eager to get on the train to find Ron and Harry, she lugged her suitcases and stepped onto The Hogwarts Express.

Suddenly, as she wandered the train aisle, a toad leaped out in front of her. Simoultaneously, her mind reeled in different directions on whether to step over Neville's toad, Trevor, or just stop walking completely. She decided to do both decisions, though not on purpose, and she tripped over.

As she wooshed through the air, a pair of hands caught her around the middle and stood her back up. Slightly breathless, she turned to her savior and found a very good looking guy. But this guy also happened to be Draco Malfoy – biggest prat in Hogwarts.

"Er- thanks," Hermione squeaked, not sure why she was being so nice to him.

Malfoy gulped and smiled slightly and turned away.

Hermione watched him saunter off and couldn't help thinking '_why wasn't he mean to me? And when did he get so good looking? I mean, look at that ass…'_

"Stop it!" she said aloud.

"Stop what, Hermione?"

Harry's voice caught her attention and spun around to see his head sticking out from a compartment.

"Harry!" she shrieked, and gave him a bone crushing hug.

Hermione turned to Ron who was as red as a tomato.

"You look really pretty," Harry said, caressing the side of her face.

Hermione blushed. "Thanks."

As they sat down, hermiones thoughts were even more messed up cuz of the recent Malfoy incident, and now she was starting to like Harry! Hermione sighed heavily and leant back. Just by sitting here, she knew her sixth year would be very confusing.

**A/N: I'm such a dork! I don't know why I feel like writing this story! My main goal is to make it the worst fan fiction story ever…heh heh…stupid I know. Guess who's got too much time on their hands!...(me)**


	2. Chapter 2

When they got to Hogwarts, Hermione found herself very relieved. Hogwarts was like her second home. When they entered the astounding Great Hall, everyone sat themselves at a table. Dumbledore spoke at the podium. It was boring. But Hermione listened intently.

"what a load of rubbish," ron said sleepily.

He received a swat in the arm from Hermione.

"Now this is what I'm talking about!" Ron exclaimed when their plates filled with food.

"So, what's our first lesson Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Potions with Snape."

"No Snape, das' muhduh!" Ron said, with a mouthful of food.

They all laughed. When dinner was over they headed to their common rooms and got settled in.

The next morning was Potions, and Hermione knew it was with Malfoy. On the way to class, she received several whistles from various guys, most of whom she did not know. But she smiled inwardly, glad to receive attention. She even got slapped on the ass!

When she got to class, she tok a seat next to Ron and Harry. Her eyes strayed and found Malfoy smirking at her.

Class was very boring but when she was walking out, she dropped a book.

"I'll get that," said a voice.

The person handed her the book. She realized it was Malfoy – Hogwarts biggest prat. "Thankyou."

"No problem."

Suddenly, their lips met. Fireworks exploded in each of their heads. They battled tongues. Their hands roamed each other's bodies.

Hermione finally pulled away. She was very confused as to why she even wanted to kiss him.

"Wow," Draco whispered.

Hermione blushed and grasped her books tighter. "I better go."

Hermione nearly skipped back to the common room cuz she was so happy. But why? Draco had been nothing more than a prat all these years and suddenly she was falling for him!

"What are you so happy about?" Harry asked as she entered the common room.

They were the only two in the room. "nothing."

Harry got up and walked over to her. "When did you get so beautiful," he whispered into her ear. She giggled. But she was afraid of kissing her best friend so she say good night to him. As she got into bed, she knew this would be a very confusing year.


	3. Chapter 3

The week went by and nothing out of the ordinary happened. It was a Saturday, and as usual, Hermione was reading in the library. Out of nowhere, a hand rested on her shoulder. She turned around and realized it was Malfoy – Hogwart's biggest prat.

"What do u want," she said icily.

"You."

With that, Malfoy grabed her around the waist, and softly pulled her into a closet. They started makin out. Hermione loved the way his tongue danced around in his mouth. It felt so- so natural. She took off his shirt to reveal an extremely well defined six pack. He took off her pants, and her shirt. Oh yeah, she took off his pants too and he had silk boxers on. Hermione knew they had to stop so she detached herself.

"I've got to go Draco."

_Why did I just call him Draco?_

"K, bye."

She got out with all her clothes on and sighed deeply and sat down again. "Ope time for lunch."

At lunch, she met up with Harry and Ron, but didn't tell them about the whole Malfoy incident. She didn't know why, but she'd sure they'd get mad. Hermione sipped at her milk and a boy came over.

"Are you drinking 1? Do you think you're fat? Cuz you could drink 2 if you wanted to."

Hermione smiled and he walked off.

"Geez Hermione all the guys like you or something why did you change your style anyways." Ron said.

"I had a change of heart," she replied.

Harry looked torn between saying something and just eyed the boy who had just left with great distaste.

"So, who do you like," Ginny asked.

"Someone."

"Who?"

"I'm no telling."

"Fine then!" and thus a pillow fight began. They hit each other, laughing, and the room had feathers all over it and they gave up, breathing heavily.

"Still not going to tell me?" Ginny asked coyly.

"Maybe later."

"Ok."

Just then, Harry walked in.

"Hey Harry."

"Hermioen I need to tell u something."

"What is it Harry? Is something wrong?"

Just then, Harry caressed the side of her face. "I Like you."

Just then, their lips met, briefly.

"Wow."

"It's late. And I'm tired. I'll see you tomomrw Harry."

"Goodnight."

As Hermione ascended the stairs, she knew this would be a very confusing year.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day was the big Quidditch match. Hermione was excited to watch Harry, but her stomach was fluttering terribly. She'd be watching Draco and Harry play. The stadium was crowded, but Hermione managed to get a good seat nonetheless. It was a close game but Gryffindor came out winning. Since Hermione couldn't find her way through the crowd to get to Harry she gave up and headed back to the castle. When she was near one of Hogwarts stone walls, she heard someone curse loudly and she realized it was Malfoy – Hogwarts biggest prat.

"Draco?" she called.

He was red in the face and kicked a stump.

"Potter always gets the fame. We can never win. It makes me mad."

Hermione couldn't help but to notice how sexy he looked when he was mad. Just then, they were very close to each other.

_Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!_

Their lips met and fireworks went off in their head – again. Draco shoved her against the wall and she moaned out in pleasure, (and pain) and they kissed furiously. His lips traveled down her neck to the V in her shirt. Her chest heaved and she traveled her hands down her pants.

"What's going on here?"

It was Professor McGonagall.

"I think a detention is in place for you two."

Hermione scowled.

"Don't give us that look!" growled Proffessor Snape, who had just appeared. "I'll handle them Minerva," he whispered to McGonagall. She strode off.

"So Granger, fraternizing with the boys in school? Think you can win all the boy's attention now that you've changed your wardrobe. Well you're definitely not going to take Draco here."

"YUou're wrong! Draco wants me! He has feeling for me and I have feeling for him!"

'SHutup you lousy slut," he whispered. This sent Hermione off in tears. She was so confused, enraged and sad. She was blinded by her tears and she ran to the edge of the lake. The water was ice cold. Just then she felt hands on her back and realized they were Malfoy's – Hogwarts biggest prat. He soothed her until she stopped crying.

As they sat arm in arm by the lake, she realized this was a very confusing year.

**A/N: Hey guys! So what do ya'll think of the story so far? Pretty sucky, eh? I'm having so much fun writing this! I can't believe how horrible I'm making this turn out! Anyway, review if you want some more chapters up! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

They sat next to the lake for a long time. Even though it steadily got colder, they stayed warm next to each other. Just then, Hermoine heard voices.

"It's Harry and Ron." Hermione whispered.

"Wait, one more kiss."

Malfoy leaned in to kiss and suddenly he was on top of her.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

She jerked away from Draco to find a very mad Ron and Harry.

I can explain!" Hermione yelled.

"No need to, Hermineo! I know this guy was raping you!" Ron yelled, his face red as a tomato.

"No, he wasn't. We like each other."

Silence.

"Hermione, what are u talking about!" harry yelled. He was getting embararres cuz he liked mione but now he was kissin Malfoy.

"suck slugs Malfoy!" ron yelled.

Shoom!

His attack missed and hit Hermione. She started puking slugs.

"Now look what you've done weasel!" Malfoy yelled.

"don worry. Healiemdum!"harry yelled. Hermione was all better.

"Hermione, I like you, and I thought you liked me cuz we kissed that night, remember?" Harry yelled.

"yah, but I like Draco more."

Malfoy put an arm around Hermione.

"Get your hands off her, farthead!"

"I can put them where I want, poopoo brains!" Malfoy shot back. He smiled because he knew no one stood a chance against him in a fight, let alone a verbal one.

Ron withdrew from Malfoy's comeback. He had to admit, Draco was pretty darn good and coming up with snappy comebacks.

Harry piped up, "you guys are both buttfaces!"

"OK guys, stop fighting!" Hermione yelled. "you guys will just have to live with us together."

"but I like you and ron likes you too I think cuz he was jealous of you at the yule ball remember and he was always jealous when you looked at guys and he never knew what you saw in krum so I think ron likes you mione so who are you going to pick me ron or malfoy." Harry stammered.

Hermione let out a shaky breath. She never thought it would come to this – choosing between her three best friends.

Hermione glanced up. "I choose – "…but before she said anything, she silently agreed with herself that this would be a very confusing year.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hermione, hurry up and choose who you want to go out with, cuz I gotta take a pee," ron said irratibly.

Draco eyed him with disgust.

"wait, a sec. I can't decide! I don't want to do this! Maybe u guys should do something to prove how much u each like me!"

Suddenly, Hermione felt a warm hand on the small of her back. She realized it was Malfoy's – Hogwarts biggest prat.

"Hermione, I love you."

Hermione gasped. This was just making things harder. She never knew it'd come to this. Malfoy was defienitely the hottest, and goodest kisser. But harry was the sweetest, with that one sweet kiss. And ron…well, she'd probably just date him out of pity, since she was completely aware of his obsession over her.

"I choose…" Hermione said. She just couldn't make up her mind. Just then, over harry's shoulder, she saw ginny.

"Ginny!"

"What? you choose ginny?" harry said curiously. All three boys wheeled their head around to see Hermione dash into Ginny's arms.

"What the-"

Ginny and Hermione planted their lips on each other and kissed as if no one was watching.

Draco cleared his throat. "Well, uh, talk about an unexpected turnout…"

Everyone was too dumbstruck to say anything.

"Er…did you guys know that she was…ya know…a lesbian?" Harry asked weakly.

Ron and Draco shook their heads vigorously. As they watched the new female couple walk off, hand in hand, they couldn't help but to think that this was turning out to be a very confusing year.

**A/N: So…what do you think? Interesting turnout huh? If any of you have managed to read this far in the story, give me some feedback. Want a sequel? No problem! Thanks for the few of you who have given up your self dignity and have lowered yourself to reading this story while there are thousands of novels out there waiting to be read! Thank you!**


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